Yankees -vs- Mets

A teacher asks her students if they're Mets fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.

"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" asks the teacher.

"The Yankees." replies Bobby.

"Why's that?"

"Well, my parents are both Yankees fans, so I'm a Yankees fan too." Bobby explains.

"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"

"No, that would make me a Mets fan!"

Things I miss because I'm trying to loose weight.

1. Pancakes, covered in syrup and butter, from the Original Pancake House.
2. Real southern fried chicken, with a batter crust so thick you need to take two bites to get to the meat.
3. A big bowl of Fruit Loops. 'nuff said.
4. Peanut Butter right from the jar. On a spoon. At 11pm.
5. Homemade apple pie, with a scoop of ice cream.

I'm sure there is more, but now I'm too damn hungry to care.

What I want.

I want a dog. A cute, cuddly dog. To play with. To cuddle with. To take care of. To look cute with.

Today's Lyrics.

Oh, let us turn our thoughts today to Martin Luther King, and recognize that there are ties between us, all men and women, living on the earth.

Ties of hope and love, sister and brotherhood.

And we are bound together, in our desire to see the world become a place in which our children can grow free and strong.

We are bound together, by the task that stands before us, and the road that lies ahead.

We are bound, and we are bound.

- James Taylor

Victorious!

Go MARYLAND!
Go McCain! (The lesser of two evils)
Go CLINTON!

Who else won?

Are you running for President?

B-I-N-G-O isnt just for cruises and old people anymore! Now, you can figure out who is running for President! Simply print out the bingo card, check off the boxes, and see! Go ahead - try it on the freak in the cubicle next to you! Or, on your husband! Or, on Hillary Clinton!

Man charged with driving mower while drunk

Unlicensed New Zealander charged with driving lawn mower while drunk
The Associated Press

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A New Zealand man has been charged with driving a lawn mower while drunk, police said Tuesday.

Richard Gunn, 52, was driving the lawn mower down a street in the northern New Zealand town of Dargaville late Monday evening when police stopped him, police spokeswoman Sarah Kennett said.

Gunn's breath alcohol level was at more than twice the legal limit for drivers, police said, and he previously had lost his driver's license.

Gunn said he has been using the lawn mower to get around town since losing his license.
"I thought I was safe," he told TV One News.

Even bicycles went faster than the lawn mower's 5 mph, he said. "I've watched them go past me."

Gunn was scheduled to appear in court later this week on charges of careless driving, driving while disqualified and driving with excess breath alcohol. He faces a potential prison term if convicted.

Police impounded the lawn mower for 28 days.

Things Yoda Says Before, During, and After Sex

- "Ahhh! It's Yoda's little friend you seek!"

- "Nerrrm. Put a shield on my sabre, I must."

- "Feel the force!"

- "Foreplay, cuddling: a Jedi craves not these things."

- "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I will!"

- "Early must I rise. Leave now, you shall!"

- "Happens to every guy sometimes, this does."

- "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmmm?"

- "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear, you are!"

- "Who's the Jedi Master? Who's the Jedi Master!?!"